Tereza and Tomas

We're finally free from their torment. We're sailing away from that land, finally.

Maybe I'm mistaken...perhaps due to all the trauma I've suffered throughout this recent skirmish. Maybe we're just going to sink. I have no clue, but this seems promising.

I look out upon the harbor, and I am reminded of a day long ago, when I tried to sail away from my troubles. I had the boat ready and everything...I should have known though. I was alone then...how could I ever maintain a ship all by myself like that?

Arienette, I love you. Without you, I am incomplete. Without you, I feel...less put together. I feel as if there's nothing there guiding me out into the future...nothing stringing me along....

It wasn't hard to get here after escaping the City. I just spied the beach, saw Arienette and the boat, and boarded it. We're not the only ones on this boat; it's maintained by Runners. They're trying to escape too. 

The colors in the sky are mixing together to form the most perfect swirl of colors. The ocean sky bears down upon us, reminding us that while the blue ocean we sail on is beautiful, there's always a grander place above us; a place that we'll never reach, no matter the method, whether it's feathers or rockets.

Feathers burn in the sun's heat, and the rockets roar past the floating seas.

She's the only one that's mine now. She'll be fine, and I will be. We're not afraid of where we're going.

One day, the Key inside of me will probably be ripped out, but that day is not today.

We're starting anew. All the sadness is being left on the shores of California.

Maybe I've finally broken out of this cage.

Let's sail away past the noise of the bay
Let's sail away past the birth and death of the day
Let's sail away to where the blues and greens swirl into gray
Let's sail away

Let's sail away past the cradle of these waves
Let's sail away past the tide and it's slow decay
Let's sail away to where the water goes, some endless open space
Let's sail away

Take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind
Don't be afraid of where we'll go, my love
I promise you will be fine
Now you are the only one that's mine

Let's sail away past the reflections of the light
Let's sail away floating weightless through the night
Let's sail away like a photograph, fading to all white
It's finally all right

Forget all the mistakes my love
They won't be made again
Leave the photos in the drawer, my love
We no longer need them
We both know where we've been

Let's sail away disappearing in a mist
Let's sail away with a whisper and a kiss
Or vanish from a road somewhere, like Tereza and Tomas

A Poetic Retelling of an Unfortunate Seduction

Oh god, it just seems to get worse.

I'm out of The Empty City, now, after...some stuff going down.

The heat chased at me all the way to that building. It clung to my skin, causing it to feel dry, to feel too warm. I felt like I was being dragged down by it. I was on the verge of fainting when I saw the only building with lights on in the city. It felt separated from all the other buildings, as if they were leaning away from it...

The building was windowless, and was made up with brick. There seemed to be only one entrance, which was the tiny wooden door at the front of the building.
How were there "lights on" when the building was windowless

The lights became a dim red glow when I entered the building. The heat that clung to my skin left, only to be replaced by a sticky, humid feeling. The red glow seemed to wrap around my entire body; it seemed to be almost alive...

The hallway felt like it went on forever, but it also felt like I only had to take 5 steps to reach the end.

I walked out into a crowded room. Tangled strands of string wrapped around almost everything in the room, with all of the strings attached to a limb of someone in the room. A few of the persons were naked, or at a stage of undressing themselves; I was in a strip club.

I don't remember any details of the room, nor do I remember what any of the strippers or what any people in the crowd looked like. I only remember what one particular stripper looked like, and that's because

I don't remember how I got there, but I ended up in some back room, with a single spotlight on a girl,...a foreign looking girl, with beautiful skin and black hair. She dances and she

I don't remember when she got on top of me. I do remember how she felt...she felt so cold. Her eyes were completely black...but why...she embraced me, and my warmth contrasted and compared with her

I don't remember what she said, but she drew me even closer, and the cold started to eradicate the lingering humid feeling that had mixed with the feeling that Sun Creature had left

She took off my clothes, and I was powerless; she started to...you know...

She was unbearably freezing the entire time. I tried to push her off

She didn't stop she wouldn't get off she wouldn't leave she was


I wake up in an alleyway. The foreign girl stands above me, looking down with her blackened eyes.

"Give us the Key," she says, and behind her, I see multiple figures arise from the shadows. Though their skin is white, and contrasts with the darkness, their eyes fit right in with the scenery.

I try getting up to run away, but my my hands were frozen to the concrete beneath me.

"Give us the Key or we will take it from you forcefully", she adds, "and you'll never be able to see Arienette again."

I start to laugh.

"You fuckers don't get it, do you? I can't just GIVE it away. It's bonded to my soul, forever. It's not going anywhere, not willingly, anyways."

She smiles. The foreign girl fucking smiles. Her teeth were like daggers

"Either way....we're taking it away. Guess you're never going to see Arienette aga-"

Before she even finishes the sentence, her left leg and part of her left hand are blasted away. Some blood drips onto the pavement, but most of it is now evaporating into the air. Smoke billows away from my right hand, and I'm gasping for air.

Pure rage fueled me into using the Key; I wasn't supposed to do that.

Too late now.

"I'm seeing her again, 
and there's NOTHING any of you will do about that!!"

Her comrades seemed a bit...surprised about my outburst.

But they also seemed scared, and at the same time awed,..not of me, but of something else.

It was snowing. And I knew what that meant. The Lonely Hearts had taught me a few things, and I knew that signaled the coming of my most vehement of Monsters;

The Cold Boy.
Of fucking course.

I had to get out of there, and fast. But where was Arienette? Could I use the Key to find my way to her?

No that would take too much energy...I couldn't do that.

As the figures with the black eyes ran away, and the snow's falling rate accelerated, a whisper to my side echoed in the alleyway.

"Pssst! Come one, I know where she is!~"

To my side, I see her; The Wooden Girl. She's crouching near a knocked over series of trash cans...

I ask her why she's helping me, and she tells me there's no time, that I needed to get out of there.

"Come here, I'll escort you out of here...let's just consider this a favor for now..."

I grabbed onto her without even thinking. I should have probably suspected her of lying, but that thought didn't even cross my mind at the time.

 And now I'm here, at the pier of this neon-wrapped city. The Pacific ocean glistens before me.

Arienette awaits me, and we're getting out of this place.

Empty Canyon, Empty Canteen

Everything’s ruined. Everything’s fallen apart.

I’m in a desert, alone. The heat is completely unbearable.

I want to collapse, but I can’t, not yet. I have to save Arienette.

It was all over in an instant. She was taken away from me, again. This time, instead of The Lonely Hearts…one of my monsters took her away.

One of my Fears.

This monster is a giant puppet, basically. She wore some type of mask, and her body was in a stage of decomposition. There were two strings that accompanied her, as if she herself was some type of marionette. Physical, wire-like strings, that moved on their own accord. Strings, that I could see, but normal people can’t see, leaked out of her also, wrapping around everything in the immediate area. They seemed weaker than the physical ones. 

She appeared all of a sudden in our living room. I yelled out, while Arienette was just silent; I guess she was shocked. The Wooden Girl first jumped towards Arienette, and her strings tied around her body. I ran at The Wooden Girl, attempting to stop her from taking the love of my life away, but I was pushed back, and cut a bit, by the rampaging strings around her. Desperate, I grabbed a lamp, and threw it at The Monster. It actually contacted with her head, but it had absolutely had no effect; it just shattered against her, and then fell to the ground, while The Monster didn’t even bat an eye. Didn’t even blink. 

The Wooden Girl grabbed Arienette, who seemed to be unconscious, and then erupted into an explosion of light. Nothing remained in the spot when the light dissipated, other than the remains of the shattered lamp. I fell to the ground, completely broken.

I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t moan. I couldn’t think. 

My entire life was just rendered meaningless. 

I don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t remember that I was a Key; a special one at that. I could follow them! It’d take a lot of energy, it would probably notify The Lonely Hearts of my location, it would probably attract other Fears, but that didn’t matter to me.

My love was gone. I was going to get her back, no matter what. 

So I approached the spot where the Wooden Girl had disappeared at. I felt the air around it, and using the Key, I somehow knew instinctually what to do next; I said some phrase that I can’t recall, and dragged my open palm against the fabric of the universe, gently pushing it aside. 

A golden light washed over me, and I was pulled into another dimension. My body shook violently, almost felt like I was being torn apart. A pain pushed itself throughout my body, and I almost passed out from it.

It all came to an end as I was pushed into a new place. I fell to the ground, ripped my jeans and cut my legs. I was on the street of a city.

An Empty City…the Empty City. I was back in this Hell. 

“I’m back in Hell.” I had said aloud. 

“This? Hell? Oh, human, you just wait.”

She was behind me, The Wooden Girl. I turned around, and there she was, at the end of the street. Arienette was not with her. 

“Where’s Arienette?” I asked calmly. 

“Not here, human!” she chuckles. “Don’t worry though; she’s fine. Trust me, I know. Anyways, you shouldn’t have come here….”

I ignore her and scream, “Where is she!?"

It only takes a second for one of her strings to pierce my skin and stab though my entire body. She luckily aimed for one of my shoulders, not piercing any vital organs; she did this on purpose. 

“Stall your mouth and listen, fool. I have not the time for your foolishness. I want you to know just how positively FUCKED you are. F. U. C. K’d. Fucked. 

You just don’t see what’s happened here, do you?”

I don’t listen and yell again.

She sighs, and shakes her head.

“You’re far too dumb for my taste. Anger problems, too. No, I think I’m done with you. I’m going to let…him have his way with you….”

Before I know it, she’s in front of me. I scream as her strings wrap around my body, and as the golden light flashes around me again.

This time, I can barely get up after the travel between dimensions is finished. I lay on the ground of a desert, and a shadow falls over me.

The Wooden Girl looks down on me, and drops a canteen. She walks away, stops, and then somehow grabs my journal out of thin air, and then throws it at me.

“Write. Don’t waste the water. Good luck.” She tells me.

She leaves me alone, and from there, I try to use my Key again to follow her. It does not work; in fact, in this dimension, I can’t use my powers at all. The canteen is running out of water. I feel something is following me. Something is hunting me down. I’m surrounded by darkness.

The Sun blazes high above me. I look up at it, and it seems to get bigger, or at least closer, with every passing minute. 

It is getting closer.

It’s so close now, so blinding.

That’s weird, it’s “calmed” down, or something. Or actually, well,…I don’t know what happened; I just know that I can look at it directly now. What

It’s…it’s shrinking. It’s getting closer and shrinking at the same time.

It’s turning into a star-like shape…

It isn’t made out of regular flames. They’re almost like “liquidy” flames. They have some type of wavy motion to them. They’re light yellow in color. 

The waves shrink and I can see a figure entangled by them. The waves keep shrinking, until the figure appears to be “wearing” them….no, he IS wearing them. The flames are like clothes for this…thing.

The figure approaches, and he looks almost like a normal human. He wears what I like to call “Lennon Shades”, and his hair is really spiky. He is also quite tall. The flames almost seem to form some type of poncho or something for the man. 

He’s speaking, …and his voice is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. It soothes me, and I can almost compare it to how I feel about Arienette’s voice. 

“You enter my realm, seeking for a maiden in distress. You have found God instead. What say you now?”

 What do I say, journal? He isn’t bothered by me writing in you,  it se

“Of course I’m not bothered by it. In fact, keep writing. Write an entire book on me, in fact, if you feel like it; it’s been done before, but why not again? 

I don’t see a problem with it.”

I say: “Are you another Monster, like that Wooden Girl?”

He says: “Affirmative. However, I am one that is a bit different than her; I exist, and also don’t. I am Everything and Nothing. I watch you humans, and also my brothers and sisters, from afar, within this dimension. I’m trapped, you see…I can’t leave this place.

Not yet."

I think he wants to use me to unlock the door out of this place. My Key can probably do that…

“No. I do not want to do that.”

“Why not?”

“I am the Alpha, and the Omega, and the Everything, blah blah blah. I do not need a human’s assistance. I will be released from this place soon, do not worry. I have a way out. Also, I am a God of Honor; I do not need to violate the Rules to get what I want.”

“Okay. Well, what do you want from me?” I say….

He’s looking at me with this hungry look in his eyes. He’s scaring me a bit.

…and I notice now that he still has his sunglasses on. How do I know

“I’m hungry. I have not been fed for a while, my son. 

I want something, I need something, I’m hungry, I’m hungry, I'm hungry-

Oh god what’s going on

The darkness has been eradicated, but in its place

He’s there he’s there he’s there

Please don’t take me away please don’t swallow me whole please please I still need to see Arienette again

I’ll give you anything

I’m out of the desert. I don’t remember what happened in there at all.
All I have left is what’s written down.

I’m back in The Empty City. I feel like I’m going to collapse at any minute.
I can barely write. 
I want to die.

I’m so hot right now….too hot. I feel like I’m burning up.

The canteen's empty.

Pull My Hair

I was so foolish to think that just jumping back into a relationship would go well. Obviously, it wouldn’t, not in the type of circumstances we’re in.

Yes, we’re in a relationship now. We love each other…she even said as much. She’s just so beautiful, and I feel so warm around her. The loneliness and cold are completely gone; Winter is over, forever. 

We were so passionate towards each other at first. I can still feel her body against mine, as we wrapped around each other in the light of a camp fire out in the Californian Wilderness. I remember stroking her soft hair. I remember looking into her eyes, fiery with the flicker of the flames beside us…

At first. The stress has gotten to us. Every day, we’re wondering what our future is going to be. I don’t want her to be taken away because of my affiliation to The Monsters, and The Lonely Hearts, but she’s insistent that she doesn’t care about that, she just wants me to stand by her side. 

I want our love to feel more natural though. With this situation, it just feels like, we’re being “forced”. Or something. I don’t know.

Maybe California isn’t too good of a location after all. Maybe we should move again. And all the while, I feel something dark surrounding us again…

The nightmares were gone for a while. But they’re coming back again.

And this time, instead of an endless blizzard, or Padriac, or any of the usual shit, I see strings; thousands of them. They swallow the sky, and swoop down upon us, sinking deep into our flesh and bones, reminding us that we’re only pieces in a chess game.

June on the West Coast

I’ve been in Winetka, California for only a week, and my life’s already changed.

It took so much to get to this place. I had to sacrifice a lot, and I had to break the status quo. Things are going to get messy if I’m not careful, due to this. But it’s worth it…it’s all worth it. I’d rather die than go back to that place. 

I’m meeting with her, my true love; Arienette. We’re meeting out on in a secluded location…I’m confident they’re going to have a hell of a time finding us out here. I’m not letting her go. Not this time.

I’m in the back of a truck, in its flatbed, with my backpack and my guitar. I’m holding you, the journal, in my hand as I bear down on it with a pencil, writing this interior message to you. I’m so fucking nervous right now. 

Guess I’ll keep writing until I get there. I want to look at the scenery around me, but I can’t, I have to write, don’t I?

The sunlight is here is just so comforting. On the East Coast, it felt almost alien, in a way. I know that sounds strange, but for me, it’s the truth. Here, the heat isn’t some humid, tropical kind; it’s pure Summer air. It feels wonderful. 

I think I’d like to live here, maybe. Possibly. Probably. I mean, why not?

It’s so different from where I was about three weeks ago, when I first got a reply from her in the mail. I was in Mesa, Arizona, and the heat was just unbearable. I spent a day there, and before I got the letter, I was just completely miserable. The visions started again, with the fireworks and the memories flooding my head again. This time, though, they all morphed into visions of dying dreams. 

But then, I got the reply from her, the one I had sent from another location in Arizona. The letter gave me a hope that somehow extinguished the fiery hallucinations. I had so many more things to tell her, I felt like I was on fire, but I knew that I could eventually just ask, when I finally see her.

I even slept, without any nightmares, that night. I’ve wanted that for months. 

I guess Spring really did do its part, eh?

I finally saw my brother two weeks ago, too; out in the outskirts of Olympia. I haven’t seen him in years, so you can understand how big this was to me. I talked to him about what had happened, and how I had escaped from The Lonely Hearts. He’s worried, of course…especially since he’s one of those timid, careful types.

He just doesn’t understand how it is to be a caged bird.

I had to leave him, though. 

Departed to San Diego to throw off any stalkers before meeting my Arienette.

There, I met my old girlfriend, Laura Laurent. I loved her once, but our relationship was doomed from the start. Like me, she’s a Key (of course not on the same level as my Key, but still). It would have never worked out…

I spent the night with her. Didn’t sleep with her…I just couldn’t stop thinking of Arienette the entire time. I longed to be with her, while I was walking on the beach with Laura. I long to be with her…

AndNo wait nevermind

We’re there. I see her!!

Thank you.

Touch

I just want a normal night.

I'm in a hotel...another goddamn hotel. I've been traveling constantly from state to state, trying to confuse those who are watching me. If I move around enough, they're bound to lose track of me.

Some state in the southwest. In room. Visions won't stop.

Past and future are mixing in with the present in my room. I see how I used to be, and how I'm going to be, with the reflection in the mirror across the room. I see her, I see her again, I see me. Lights flash all around me,...bursts of lights. Like fireworks.

A red tone lingers in the air. I feel intoxicated, but I haven't had a drink.

My skin tingles as I brush my fingers across my forearm. The pen I'm holding seems extremely cold and also almost scalding hot at the same time. There's some ringing in the background that just won't quit.

She appears, my Arienette, in front of me. The sun rises, the sun sets right before my eyes. I want to reach out and touch her sweet, soft face. I want to kiss her. I want to feel her close by me.

Tingling static surges through my entire body. What is happening? Why?

I clutch at my chest. Perhaps my Key is malfunctioning.
I knew I shouldn't have meditated with her in my mind.
Perhaps the Key is granting my "wish", and is now letting my past consume me, so that I can see her again.

Or maybe a Fear is just fucking around with me.

I'm trying to get up,...trying to stand on my own two feet. The vision of Arienette is gone. Where did sh-

My weight is too much, and I collapse, and fall to the floor. I hear the rain tap against the window, and I hear the visions scream around me, as my skin scratches against the itchy carpeting.

I am writing this down still, but I'm on the floor. What, no. I never fell. I'm still on the bed. But then, who fell to the floor? When did that happen?

No I'm in the bathroom. I'm looking into the mirror. I see myself...I'm so fucking undesirable.

I'm back on the floor, and on a bed at the same time. She's laying beside me, and for a moment, I silently wish that this moment lasts forever.

A clock ticks somewhere above me. Why does it never stop why does it continue on like this

The fireworks stop, and the color in my love's face drains away. I sink into the mattress, into the floor, and I disappear into the darkness. I'm back in my lonely hotel room...no one's here.

I'll be there soon, love. I promise.

The Difference In The Shades

I've decided to pursue Arienette. I've chosen the life of running away from both the monsters, and the Agency, as long as I can be with her. I'll sacrifice everything I have left for her...which isn't honestly much. I hardly even can claim that I have any sanity left, after everything I've been through the past few months.

I've prepared everything. I got everything packed up. I'm just waiting for the perfect time to hit the road.

What finally convinced me was recalling one specific memory...back in June, of 1998, I was living in an apartment with Arienette. One day, we just decided...not to mess with anything. Just to lay in bed all day together. I think she may have been a bit sick, but nothing serious.

We discussed our future together...I wanted to break up, because I felt that I was endangering her, due to me being a -Key-. She told me that I was being silly, that I was underestimating her.

Looking back, I guess I was. Arienette's a strong woman, I know that now. Far stronger than me, anyways.

Arienette came from a small family in Idaho. She had a great childhood, and the past few years weren't too shabby either. She had told me, though, that those times would never compare to the time she had spent with me, here. She said she was finally settled down... 

She said that she thought...that she may have been falling for me. Falling, in love, with me.

It amazed me, that confession. Love? I didn't have much experience with that emotion; my family loved me sure, but they never actually showed that. I didn't have any friends. Love? What exactly was that anyways?

But I knew, sometime later, somehow that I was already in love with her.

I thought that maybe...she was the one. She could be the one to finally save me from it all.

To save me from this drifting snow...to melt away at the ice...to warm my shivering body.

I feel hollow with this..."Key" inside me. I wanted it out! I wanted to be normal!

Of course, that couldn't happen...not if the Agency was concerned anyways.

But I'm going to make it happen.

The City Has Sex

The Emptiest City attempted to appear before me again today.

I was walking away from the grocery store, which was only a block away from the house, when the brick, four story buildings hunching over me suddenly morphed into skyscraper, steel buildings, standing tall above me. The concrete around me collides as the streets morph with the city; the cars all slide into some unknown location. The scenery stretches out all around me.

As I am watching this, memories of Arienette and I discussing our loneliness melts through my mind, and underneath these memories, Padriac lurks. I gag, and fall to the street, coughing and crying and spilling all my groceries everywhere in the street. The city buildings are bending down, and I knew then, that they were going to crush me. They wanted me dead.

I was ready to give up...just ready to say goodbye. But then the memory of Arienette fully swallows Padriac, and almost comforts me; Arienette is whispering to me in her soft, sweet voice...we talk about how lonely we were before meeting each other...I finally tell someone about how I was a -Key-.

I'm a weapon. I'm a tool. I'm something to be used. I'm disposable.
(or at least, I thought so back then)
I was a liar, and I was also lied to, as Arienette showed me.

I was a dog to the leaders in the Agency.
But to her, I was no slave, I was a human being, with my own choice on how I wanted to live my life.
Who said they could tell me what to do? They did? Well, fuck them, as she had said.

And as the buildings wrapped around me, twisting and threatening to crush me at any second, I recalled Arienette, and how we had wrapped around each other, and how we had twisted that night. I was, for a second, no longer cold or lonely.

I somehow found an opening, and jumped through it. I'm suddenly in my house.

My first thought was: Why did The Emptiest City let me go?

I try not to think about the second option; it didn't let me go...I escaped, due to outside intervention. I'm afraid of that answer...who's watching me? Who has the power to do that?

There's a third option; I tapped into my Key's power, and unlocked a door, and escaped myself. But that...that worries me far more than the other options....

And now I'm here, in the basement to this house....playing a few songs. And thinking.            

"I need something I want to be close to
And I scream, but I still don't know why I do it
Because the sound never stays, it just swells and decays
So what is the point? Why try to fight what is now so certain?"

Contrast And Compare

For a minute, I think back to New Years Eve of 1997.

I remember sneaking into some party, with some dudes I barely knew. It was around 7 when we were in the living room with all those other kids. We were having the time of our lives, just partying it up. And by we, I mean everyone except me. I was alone most of the party. I was just walking around, quietly, but inside I'm screaming. I look out into the crowd, and they're all so lively...so happy.
Inside they're peaceful.

At this point in the year, I'm not extremely lonely; I was just so tired. I was moving through days so slowly, and I was just so numb and cold from it all. I have so many things I have to keep track of, and on top of it all, I had monsters hunting me down, wanting to do things to me that death could never even compare to.

When could I finally stop moving? When could I find somewhere to settle down at?

I find myself in a quiet, dark room, drinking alone. I feel content with my place in the universe for a few seconds, and chuckle at the absurdity of it all. There's monsters that prey on humanity's worst Fears, and they're chasing after me!! How crazy is that? And there's a secretive government agency mixed in with all this too, and we haven't even mentioned the thing that's held within my soul yet...it almost reads like a novel!

The thing hidden in my soul is something many people lust over. It's just so valuable, and if it is captured the monsters...well, it wouldn't be too good, let me tell you that much.

The days felt so slow back then. A day could contain the memories of a small lifetime, it seemed, back then. Alot of things were just clearer, too. Things were crisp, and clean, and the best part was, it all made sense. Now, I look at the world, and become confused; what am I looking at?

What am I standing on?
What is the Earth? Something grand? Something futile?
Something...just there?

As I am writing this, I am looking into another landscape, and yet something exactly the same. It's the same party, but with one difference; it's a year later, and we both have our memories of the past year.

I met here at this party on the stairs. I remember walking up there, aimlessly, and intoxicated.

And then I heard her voice, behind me. She appeared...her name was Arienette, and from that day forward she kept me safe, away from the loneliness.

I see myself walking up those same stairs again, and behind me, my Arienette appears again. She grabs onto my arm, and says: "What's up, where you been?" I see that she's grinning when I turn around. She must have sensed how I was feeling, because she added onto her greeting: "Is something wrong?"

My insides start to scream,
as I try to smile, lie,
and say "Everything's fine."

The minute ends, and I'm alone. Arienette is two states away. I'm here, in this cold house, where the heat refuses to work, where there's no more beer left, where...where I'm stuck. I'm stuck here.

Could I risk it....? Do I want to see her that badly, where I'd risk everything...

Of course I want to that badly. She's...she's the only thing I have left.

How do I escape from here though? The Agency is watching, and the monsters are lurking the streets?

I have to think of something.

Padriac, My Prince

I remembered something today. Something from the dark abyss of my memories. It was something I should have forgotten long ago, but couldn't manage to; instead, I had to drown it in the dark waters of days gone by. It would not stop struggling, though, and I had to let go, which resulted in it rising back to the surface.

I called him Padriac. My brother, that is. I never knew him well, but I loved him, of course. He was my little brother, and I was supposed to protect him. I failed.

It causes me to be sick, those memories. I was walking down the street today when the memories resurfaced, and they caused me to fall to the ground. I was choking in coughs for a second...I remembered the water. I remember seeing my mother standing over the bathtub.

I tried to push the memories away, tried to fool my mind. I continued walking, despite the persistent ache in my throat and lungs. It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright...

But then I saw my brother across the street so coldsocold and the memories...they were real...they happened. The snow begins to fall, and I fall to the street along with the snowflakes. The pain of my face colliding with the street barely compares to the feeling in my lungs.

The little boy starts to approach me, walking across the street, and the closer he is, the more I recognize that he wasn't really my brother; he wasn't even close to being my little brother. He wore some sailor suit, and had blonde hair...and his face.

He had no face. Or at least, his face was blurred to the point that my eyes could not identify a face on him.

The memories tore away at reality as this happened, and I heard the most terrible sound in the entire world; my mother screaming after realizing what she had done.

She had held my little brother underwater in the bathtub. She had killed my little brother. And the most tragic part of all this, was that it had to be done....she was no psychopath. Her own job forced her into killing my little brother for the greater good.

The sailor boy looks down upon me, and the snow stops. He speaks, but I do not listen. The little boy chuckles about something as I recall that this wasn't happening; I was staring into a mirror. 

I saw eyes rimmed with red and a face pale of a stupor. Whoever this was, he was drunk. I look down, and see the sink, filled with tiny shards of broken glass and blood. My fist is cold and shaking, and I realize that I had broken the mirror; but what had I been staring into?

I look back, and see that there is only the medicine cabinet. Inside, I see the familiar pills the agency in charge of moving me had given me. A second later, I'm gulping a bit too much down, and staggering out of the bathroom. What had happened? Had I morphed back into the city again?

Every so often, I am dragged into the Emptiest of Cities. It's a place where no one can save me from the monsters that hunt me, in reality, and in my nightmares...

That monster, the one who had pretended to be Padriac, was one of those monsters....and one of the most stubborn of them, at that. This particular monster was extremely close to capturing me, actually.

I tried sleeping, could not. I keep thinking back to last year. I can't stop thinking about...her...and how she had changed me. I want to see her again...

But with these beasts pursuing me, and this Agency watching over me...I'm stuck here.

If Winter Ends

Children yell and scream while messing around in a playground outside of a school building. Though it is quite cold outside, they run around as if it’s summer. Some cries can be heard, but they’re muffled out by the joyous exclamations. 

The sounds bother the lone stranger in a dark, cold room. He strums his guitar, trying to think, but the children ruin his concentration. He is frustrated at first, but nostalgia intervenes, and he recalls his own time spent on the playground long ago. He almost longs for those days, when he didn’t have to worry about the things he has to worry about now.  

The sounds increase, however, and are almost deafening. How are they so loud? What are they doing? And below the chattering, the stranger hears a static, and a hum, underneath the yelling, and he guesses correctly just exactly what is happening; there aren’t any real children outside. There’s something else outside, playing around with the stranger’s memories.

He gets up, and looks outside, to confirm this fact. There are no children on the small public playground, but instead there is a lingering gray blur hovering over the swingset. Of course they had followed him here…after driving everyone else away, they wanted to be sure that he was alone. 

The person sighs, and sits back down on the bare bed. He picks up his guitar, and pic, and contemplates playing a song, but ultimately decides against it. His head is beginning to ache again, so there was no point in playing it anyways. 

The buzzing outside stops, and the gray blob is gone; he can feel it leave. With that distraction gone, the painful thoughts and emotions drift back into view for the young man. He is so lonely, and oh so cold.

A week ago, he had been moved again, to a new location southwest. Every few months, he is moved to a new location by a company he is bound to, for secure reasons. He had at first accepted this, but now, it had gotten to the point of it being ridiculous.

He had met a girl; someone who had changed his entire perspective on life. She had finally dulled the pain, and had taken away the buzzing. Everything was brightened; the shadows had been eradicated.

The nightmares had finally stopped. He was happy…for a while.

But he was whisked away one night; the dream ended that quickly. Taken away to a state, and branded with a new name and life. He was completely alone. 

It was so dark for him in that place. Shadows swallowed everything. And he has to adapt to that, again? There’s no light to follow this time. Maybe, he would be swallowed by the darkness. That’s entirely possible.    

 He’d rather die than let that happen, come to think of it.

So he was planning to do something. If things didn’t change soon, he was taking his car and driving off a fucking cliff. He couldn’t do well on his own again. A human being can’t deal with extreme loneliness. 

At the same time, he was telling himself, over and over again, that things were going to be alright. Things were going to change; someone would come and save him, right? Someone cared…right? 

No. Wrong wrong wrong. Everyone’s gone, completely gone. How stupid, this thought! He was cut off from society, never to see the light of a bustling city again! From now on, the only City he could see would be The Emptiest City on Earth; a City only he could see. 

It was always in his dreams, this city. But no need to talk about that.

What to do, what to do. 

Writing away in his journal, pretending to be someone looking in. This person is me; we share the very same name. I am the sad boy, alone in a house in the middle of Winter. 

We are both dying; slowly, but it’s happening. 

The buzzing's started again.

Please, someone take me away from here. Pleasepleasepleaseplease

It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright,….