Contrast And Compare

For a minute, I think back to New Years Eve of 1997.

I remember sneaking into some party, with some dudes I barely knew. It was around 7 when we were in the living room with all those other kids. We were having the time of our lives, just partying it up. And by we, I mean everyone except me. I was alone most of the party. I was just walking around, quietly, but inside I'm screaming. I look out into the crowd, and they're all so lively...so happy.
Inside they're peaceful.

At this point in the year, I'm not extremely lonely; I was just so tired. I was moving through days so slowly, and I was just so numb and cold from it all. I have so many things I have to keep track of, and on top of it all, I had monsters hunting me down, wanting to do things to me that death could never even compare to.

When could I finally stop moving? When could I find somewhere to settle down at?

I find myself in a quiet, dark room, drinking alone. I feel content with my place in the universe for a few seconds, and chuckle at the absurdity of it all. There's monsters that prey on humanity's worst Fears, and they're chasing after me!! How crazy is that? And there's a secretive government agency mixed in with all this too, and we haven't even mentioned the thing that's held within my soul yet...it almost reads like a novel!

The thing hidden in my soul is something many people lust over. It's just so valuable, and if it is captured the monsters...well, it wouldn't be too good, let me tell you that much.

The days felt so slow back then. A day could contain the memories of a small lifetime, it seemed, back then. Alot of things were just clearer, too. Things were crisp, and clean, and the best part was, it all made sense. Now, I look at the world, and become confused; what am I looking at?

What am I standing on?
What is the Earth? Something grand? Something futile?
Something...just there?

As I am writing this, I am looking into another landscape, and yet something exactly the same. It's the same party, but with one difference; it's a year later, and we both have our memories of the past year.

I met here at this party on the stairs. I remember walking up there, aimlessly, and intoxicated.

And then I heard her voice, behind me. She appeared...her name was Arienette, and from that day forward she kept me safe, away from the loneliness.

I see myself walking up those same stairs again, and behind me, my Arienette appears again. She grabs onto my arm, and says: "What's up, where you been?" I see that she's grinning when I turn around. She must have sensed how I was feeling, because she added onto her greeting: "Is something wrong?"

My insides start to scream,
as I try to smile, lie,
and say "Everything's fine."

The minute ends, and I'm alone. Arienette is two states away. I'm here, in this cold house, where the heat refuses to work, where there's no more beer left, where...where I'm stuck. I'm stuck here.

Could I risk it....? Do I want to see her that badly, where I'd risk everything...

Of course I want to that badly. She's...she's the only thing I have left.

How do I escape from here though? The Agency is watching, and the monsters are lurking the streets?

I have to think of something.