Friday, July 16, 1999

Pull My Hair


I was so foolish to think that just jumping back into a relationship would go well. Obviously, it wouldn’t, not in the type of circumstances we’re in.

Yes, we’re in a relationship now. We love each other…she even said as much. She’s just so beautiful, and I feel so warm around her. The loneliness and cold are completely gone; Winter is over, forever. 

We were so passionate towards each other at first. I can still feel her body against mine, as we wrapped around each other in the light of a camp fire out in the Californian Wilderness. I remember stroking her soft hair. I remember looking into her eyes, fiery with the flicker of the flames beside us…

At first. The stress has gotten to us. Every day, we’re wondering what our future is going to be. I don’t want her to be taken away because of my affiliation to The Monsters, and The Lonely Hearts, but she’s insistent that she doesn’t care about that, she just wants me to stand by her side. 

I want our love to feel more natural though. With this situation, it just feels like, we’re being “forced”. Or something. I don’t know.

Maybe California isn’t too good of a location after all. Maybe we should move again. And all the while, I feel something dark surrounding us again…

The nightmares were gone for a while. But they’re coming back again.

And this time, instead of an endless blizzard, or Padriac, or any of the usual shit, I see strings; thousands of them. They swallow the sky, and swoop down upon us, sinking deep into our flesh and bones, reminding us that we’re only pieces in a chess game.